SHARED ACCOUNTABILITY (CARE/CANDOR)

“I am responsible for my own thoughts, feelings and actions. You cannot make me feel anything unless I choose to believe it.

That said, we have shared values as a group (family, team, couple, etc), and I think that the way you’re acting (or not) is not aligned with our shared values, and I would like to a) make a request or b) set a boundary.

BLAME

“You are bad.”
“What YOU DID (or didn’t do/said) made ME FEEL bad - so you OWE my an apology (so I can FEEL better about myself).

PERSONAL ACCOUNTABILITY (AUTHENTICITY)

“I am a good person, BUT I did something (or didn’t do something) that isn’t in line with who I want to be today. I can take corrective action and continue striving to live my values.

SHAME

“I am bad”
”Why am I such a [insert negative statement here]?”